With Love to Our Dear Friend Henry Reed...1946 - 2011

One of my colleagues and dear friends passed away from complications of pneumonia. Last Monday he worked the 1st day of school, went home, his lung collapsed; he went into a coma & passed away two days later, on my husband Dave's birthday. Our dear friend Angie who was so close to Henry sent the text in the wee hours of Thursday am - 1:34 am. I was still up writing. This is the exact same way my mother passed away almost a year ago. Here one day, gone the next. Didn't even get to say goodbye. I am so sad.

Henry Reed was an exceptional human being. He huge heart and was just loved by all who met him. A celebration of his life was held yesterday at Santa Barbara City College where we worked, and the whole community showed up to honor him.

Henry loved Hawaii...so the theme was Aloha. How fitting for the message of Henry's life. Aloha. His family members wore leis. I met each of his four brothers and one of Henry's nephews. I had to laugh, each of them looked a bit like Henry, in their own way. I thought, how clever of God to give us that gift, when our friend is gone, he actually lives on in the faces of his 'ohana.

My hula teacher Angelita had begun teaching a new hula last week. I showed up to class Wednesday 1/26, and she says, "How are you young lady?" I told her I was really sad because our friend fell critically ill on Monday, that he was in a coma in the ICU - nobody was allowed to visit only immediate family - and things were not looking too good. I have been praying for him. She said, "I am so sorry to hear that about your friend". Then she continued to teach "In Dis Life" by Iz Kamakawiwo'ole. I got the chills. The song goes like this:

For all I've been blessed with in my life
There was an emptiness in me
I was a prisoner to the power of gold
With one kind touch you set me free

Let the world stop turning
Let the sun stop burning
Let them tell me love's not worth going through
If it all falls apart
I will know deep in my heart
The only dream that mattered had come true

In this life, I was loved by you...

For every mountain I have climbed
Every raging river falls
You were the treasure that I longed to find
Without your love I would be lost

Let the world stop turning
Let the sun stop burning
Let them tell me love's not worth going through
If it all falls apart
I will know deep in my heart
The only dream that mattered had come true

In this life, I was loved by you...

I know that I won't live forever
But forever I'll be loving you

Let the world stop turning
Let the sun stop burning
Let them tell me love's not worth going through
If it all falls apart
I will know deep in my heart
The only dream that mattered had come true

In this life, I was loved by you...

I went home from hula class and practices, I actually practiced for hours, meditating on the words, thinking about Henry as I danced. I felt like I was giving him energy to do whatever God's will was. Several hours later, Angie's text came. "Dear All, Our beloved Henry is no longer physically with us. Just know that he wouldn't want u to be sad but to relish life. Ang :( " January 27, 1:34 am
The next day the mood was heavy with sadness. I remember seeing my friend Jerry who works in DSPS with Henry, and I told her the story of the song Angelita was teaching, and how I meditated for Henry as I practiced. She looked at me incredulously and said, "You should dance that at his services!" I replied, "Oh, I don't know...we just learned it...I wouldn't be ready..." She said, "Just think about it. Do it for Henry". Of course, I would do anything for Henry. So I called Angelita and asked if we could dance on Friday Feb. 4th. She said, "Cami for your friend, of course."

My hula sisters (Ally, Adrienne, Jackie) Angelita & I danced this hula for Henry and his family. It was very touching, and there wasn't a dry eye in the crowd. That's just what IZ does, he moves people with his beautiful voice and all his Aloha...even from beyond the grave. His Aloha is contagious...and we have the honor of dancing this hula to his beautiful music to pay tribute to Henry. I feel so humbled for the opportunity to give this gift of love to honor someone who was so kind, gentle, compassionate, funny. He inspired me & so many others. His love and zest for life...it was infectious! In fact, you often forgot that he was disabled. Henry had quadriplegia; he contracted a degenerative muscle disease in his pre-pubescent years, at the age of 13. They told him he had only 6 months to live. He was living on borrowed time, and he knew it - so he operated on a higher plane - knowing just how precious every day, every minute was. He often said he'd about used up his nine lives.

Henry lived to be almost 60 years old. He was such an amazing human being. He never let anything stand in his way. He made you believe you could achieve anything you wanted in your life. I remember I was going through a particularly hard time in my life, and I went to see him in his office. I let the tears flow..."It's so hard..." I cried. He looked at me with those great big blue eyes and said, "I know.." Of course you know. Then he said, "and I know you're going to be OK."

I remember asking him to talk to my master's level class at Antioch, where I teach Career Psychology. I said, "Henry, I don't know if this is something you might be able to help me out with...Those students don't know how to do counseling with people with disabilities. do you think you might be able to come and talk to my class?" He answered, "Sure, no problem. Just tell me where and when." Our beautiful friend and neighbor Angie brought Henry to my class. He was tired, he had worked a long day, but he gave his whole heart...and those students got it. His message: Have compassion. Treat your clients with dignity. Give them your best. Earn their trust. My goodness, I miss you, Henry.

I remember one time Henry walked me to my bike. Well, actually I walked, He rolled. Anyway, I bent over to give him a kiss goodbye and noticed, "Hey Henry, Is that a Super Man earing you're wearing?!" He smiled that impish grin, and laughed, "Yeah. You should see my matching underwear."

The last time Henry came to visit me was before Christmas. He looked up at my desk and saw my calendar. He said, "Oh, Hawaii..." He just loved the islands. He really did. He and his 'ohana went on a trip to the islands a few years ago and really had a great time. The weather was warm and his bones didn't hurt as much there. Plus he loved the warm water and the people and the aloha spirit. When I told him I was going to the islands for a month to research, he was so happy for me. He wanted to hear all about my studies when I came back. I made sure to buy him a Hawaiian calendar while I was there this past Holiday.

I meant to give him this small gift when I came back from Hawaii, but got too busy with the start of the Spring semester. For a week it was sitting right there on my desk. In my new years resolution, I decided to make time and schedule lunch with Henry once a month. Now it's too late, and I feel so selfish. I am sorry for so many things, especially for thinking that we have a hundred tomorrows. The lesson is: Don't wait! We need to show the people we love just how much they mean to us. Do it Now. It really sucks to live with regrets.

God Bless you Henry. I am glad you are not suffering anymore. You will be loved forever. Thank you for making our lives so much richer. Each person was so proud to call you their friend. Thank you for making me believe that I can achieve anything I want in my life. We all miss you so so much. Myself, my heart is broken, I miss you so much, you beautiful man. Save me the spot next to you in heaven, OK? Aloha 'oe, dear Henry.